


it's never quite as it seems

by bearer_of_light



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Dreams, Dreamsharing, F/F, Fluff and Angst, but it's really good i promise, yes they share dreams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-02-13 04:36:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12976065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearer_of_light/pseuds/bearer_of_light
Summary: But it wasn’t the half smile that got Clarke’s attention. It was the warm green eyes that took Clarke’s breath away. It felt like looking at the deep green of the trees behind her childhood home, like laying on grass on a warm summer night.





	1. Chapter 1

Bright and sunny. That was the type of the day Clarke Griffin was having from the moment she opened her eyes.  It was almost noon when she got out of the bed. Her room was filled with light and warmth, tiny dust particles dancing through the cracks of the curtains. She stretched and hopped off the bed and into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and spent a bit too much time under the shower. She let the water fall down on her face, her eyes closed and a smile on her face. The pressure was perfect and the water just the right type of warm. A short couple of minutes when everything in the universe seemed to click together and you were at ease with life. Everything had it’s purpose and everything was just the right shade of perfect.

She stepped out of the shower, water still dripping down her body. She wiped away the foggy steam leftovers from the mirror and smiled at the her reflection.

She put on her favorite jeans and blue shirt her mom got her for her birthday and went in the kitchen. She turned on the radio and started to make coffee.

She would never had called herself a morning person. Getting out from the bed was an everyday struggle. On most days she would spend more than thirty minutes snoozing her alarm and prolonging the inevitable. Surprisingly that wasn’t the case that morning.

She looked through the window, still smiling, and with a hot cup of coffee in her hand. She opened it and took a deep breath in. Trees were green and the streets were empty. Birds were singing their songs. She wondered if their melodies were changing with time, if they learned new songs with time. Clarke made a note to herself to look it up.

She went back to the kitchen, washed her cup, picked up her keys and went outside. As soon as she stepped out of the building she was hit with a wave of air so hot it took her a moment to adjust her breathing.  Clarke had always liked summer and everything that came with it. From the excessive heat to the long days and beach time. For as long as she could remember, Clarke loved summers. It was summer when her father taught her how to ride a bike. It was summer when she learned how to swim. It was summer the last time she went camping with her father. There was a period of time, right after his death, when Clarke despised spring and summer and any day when sun decided to come out from the hiding. It reminded her of all the things she would never again be able to have, of all the things she was never going to be able to experience again. But then years passed and she realized memories are better preserved reliving them. She realized some memories are to be cherished. She realized there’s nothing wrong about missing and still living. She began to fall in love with summer again. With lazy Sunday mornings and late Friday nights.

As she walked down the empty street with sun in her eyes, she remembered the early morning walks around her old neighbourhood with her father. The stories about big, bright world awaiting for her. Stories about giant buildings and glass windows, about trees and people. People upon people, of different dreams, abilities and possibilities. Clarke remembered how he had laughed when she told him how she’s never leaving him and mom, how she was going to stay with them and work with him. He always told her the world was too small for her, that she was destined for stars. She smiled at the thought.

Then something ran into her. Or rather someone. The impact was so hard it threw her off balance and she fell on the ground. She quickly got up and prepared herself to rain hell on whoever the person was. She looked down to her left and saw a girl looking back on the street from where she came, her eyes filled with panic and fear. Her head went up then on the other side then back down the street. She sat back against the wall behind her and put her head between her legs. Clarke lost any desire to yell at her once she saw the extent of panic she was in.

“Are you okay?” she asked in the calmest voice she could. The girl sitting next to her snapped her head up and looked at her in utter horror. It looked like she had just realized there was someone else standing in front of her. “It’s okay.” Clarke said when she saw her looking down the street again. “There’s no one here except us.”

“I can’t… He… They were…”

“It’s okay. Breathe.” Clarke’s mind went back in time, when she was the one having panic attacks and her mother was standing beside her. “Is it okay if I kneel down here?” she pointed down at the space next to the girl. “Breathe. Just in and out. Count it.” she said once she was kneeling beside the brunette. “Concentrate on the way your lungs fill with air every time you breathe in.”  After some time, the girl seemed to get better, her breathing was steady and she looked much calmer than before. “Are you okay?” Clarke asked again.

“I’m better.” she looked at Clarke. She tried to smile but she wasn’t that better. But it wasn’t the half smile that got Clarke’s attention. It was the warm green eyes that took Clarke’s breath away. It felt like looking at the deep green of the trees behind her childhood home, like laying on grass on a warm summer night. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.” Clarke briefly looked away then back at those eyes. “Yeah. No need for that, don’t worry.” she smiled.

“I must look like a crazy person.” the girl looked over Clarke’s shoulder back on the street where she came running from. “I swear they were there. I’m not that crazy.”

“What happened?” Clarke furrowed her brows.

“I was in gym and when I got home the front door was opened and I saw a couple of guys with masks over their faces going through my stuff. Then when I tried to get away from there I bumped into something and my bag fell down and they all looked at me.” Clarke saw she was starting to go into panic mode again.

“It’s okay. Remember to breathe.”

The girl took a couple of deep breathes and continued her story. “They had guns and I didn’t know what to do. So I started to run. As fast as I could and as far as I could. And I heard them behind me, yelling something I didn’t understand and I felt them coming closer and closer and then I ran around the corner and I bumped into you.” she put her hand over her face. “I don’t understand what happened.” she whispered. Clarke didn’t know what to think. There she was, in the middle of the street, next to the girl who just told her there were armed men chasing her down the street. She turned around and looked in the direction the girl came from. She couldn’t decide what was scarier. Someone actually being behind the corner of this girl making it all up. “I scared you. I’m sorry.” the girl quickly got up. “You must think I’m delusional.”

“No, no, you didn’t. I don’t.” Clarke stood up. “Do you wanna go to the police?”

“I do but…” the girl looked down at her feet, she looked so small and so scared. She looked lost. “I’m scared.”

Clarke was stuck. She was trapped somewhere between wanting to believe this girl and help and thinking it was all made up, maybe she was working with those same men, maybe they wanted to rob, kidnap or do whatever to Clarke. She wanted to run but at the same time she knew what real panic looked like and she was sure the girl in front of her wasn’t faking it. So she made a decision. She did what her father told her to always do.

“I live here. Do you wanna come inside for a minute? Maybe call the cops?” she decided to help.

“That’s too much, I can’t.” the girl shook her head. “I can’t get you into whatever this is. You’ve done enough really. Really.” she looked up.

Green and green and green. That was all Clarke saw. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I let you go without making sure you were okay. I insist.”

The girl sighed, looked to her left then to her right. They were all alone. “Okay.” she let out a long breath. Clarke saw a glimpse of relief in her eyes. “Thank you. So much.”

“No problem.” Clarke smiled. “It’s that red building over there.” Clarke pointed across the street. “I’ll lead the way.” They walked side by side, in silence. Clarke felt waves of anxiety and peace go through her. Every time the girl looked behind them, Clarke felt the urge to run without looking back. And every time she felt those green eyes on the side of her head she felt the similar kind of peace she felt when she got up that morning. “I’m Clarke.” Clarke finally said once they were in front of her building.

“Lexa.” the girl said. “Nice to meet you Clarke. I wish it was under different circumstances.” she laughed nervously.

“The future will be less stressful. I’m sure.”  There was something about Lexa that made Clarke lose the sense of what’s real and what’s not. When she realized she was staring she quickly turned to the door and tried to put the key in the lock but failed and the keys fell to the ground.

“Here.” Lexa said with keys in the palm of her hand.

“Thank you.” Clarke kept her eyes away from Lexa’s and reached for her keys. Her fingers brushed Lexa’s hand and she felt like a lighting bolt went through her body. She quickly opened the door and went up the stairs to her apartment.

“Here we are.” she opened the door and waited for Lexa to go inside. She walked behind her, closed the door and went to her room to get the phone.

“You have a nice place.” Lexa stood next to the same window were Clarke drank her coffee not even an hour before.  It was only then that Clarke realized how truly beautiful that girl was. Wavy brown hair falling down her shoulder, long neck and a jawline that could make Clarke forget about everything that led to that point. And those eyes.

“Thank you.” Clarke walked to her, with a phone in her hand. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” Lexa took the phone and dialed the number. She turned to the window again and gave Clarke a chance to think and wish of a better world and happier coincidence. She wondered what would had happened if they didn’t meet the way they did. She wondered if Lexa was having thoughts similar to those she was having. “No one is picking up?” Lexa’s voice shut off that part of Clarke’s brain. For now.

“What do you mean no one is picking up? It’s the police, someone is always supposed to pick up.” Clarke frowned.

“I know but no one is.”

“Let me try.” Clarke took the phone from Lexa’s hands and dialed the same number and still, no one picked up. “That’s not right.” Clarke tried again but with the same result. “Maybe the call can’t get through because of some weird reason.”

“We can try again after a couple of minutes?” Lexa was biting the inside of her cheek.

“We will.” Clarke tried to reassure her.

“I hate that I left my phone and my wallet back there. Everything was in my bag and I never thought about picking it up.” Lexa sighed. “I should have picked it up.”

“You did the only reasonable thing and that’s run.” Clarke leaned on the wall. “Do you have any idea who it was?”

“I don’t. I don’t owe money, I never did something to hurt someone. I’m a regular person. I don’t know why someone would do that.”

“It was probably a robbery.”

“With guns.” Lexa swallowed thickly.

“Thieves have guns.”

“Thank you Clarke.” Lexa offered her a small smile. There was something in the way Lexa said her name that made Clarke freeze in space and time. That was only the second time Lexa did it had the same effect as it did the first time. It felt like it wasn’t hers and at the same time like it was the only thing she ever had. It was slowly turning into her favorite sound.

“You’re welcome.” she managed to mumbled out. “Do you want something to drink? I never asked you if you hurt yourself when you fell?”

“A glass of water would be great, thank you. I didn’t, still in one piece.” she said looking down her body and Clarke tried the hardest to not do the same. “I’m sorry I ran into you. I don’t know how it happened.” Lexa scratched her head. “I was sure there was no one in front of me and then I looked back and the next thing I know I’m on the floor.” she looked out the window again. “It’s such a strange day. I was sure it wasn’t this sunny when I got out from the gym and went home. I guess I didn’t really notice.”

“I’m gonna try them again.” Clarke said with a phone pressed against her ear. “Nothing. What the fuck is going on?” she looked at her phone.

“Maybe I should go back to my place and call them from there.”

“Wait, I’ll call my friend. Her boyfriend is a police officer. Maybe he can help.” Clarke found Octavia’s number and called her hoping her friend would pick up. But it went straight to her voicemail. She tried calling Lincoln but the same things happened. “They’re not picking up.”

“I’ll go home and see from there.”

“What if they are still there?”

“I hope they’re not.” Lexa bit her lip.

“Do you live alone?”

“Yes.”

Clarke was once again stuck. On the one side she could let Lexa go alone and hope for the best or she could go with her and make sure nothing bad happened.

“I’ll go with you. Maybe they’ll get scared when they see me.”

“No Clarke, you can’t.”

“I can’t stay here and let you go alone.”

“I can’t be responsible for something bad happening to you. You’ve done more than enough and more than anyone would probably do. I can’t thank you enough but that’s too much.”

“You can’t really stop me, can you?”

“Clarke…”

“I’m going with you.”

“Are you always this stubborn.”

“Usually.” Clarke smiled.

Lexa shook her head and smiled back. “Okay. But if they are still there we turn around and run.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not completely out of my mind. We run if there’s even the slightest chance anyone is there.”

“Deal.”

“Do we bring something with us?”

“What? Like a knife?”

“I was thinking more like a pepper spray.”

“I don’t think it would be of much help if they have guns.”

“You’re probably right.” Clarke chuckled. “Let’s go then?” she raised her brows.

“Let’s go.”

They went out of the apartment, Clarke locked the door and soon after they were back on the street. “I never in my wildest dreams thought this was going to be my day.”

“I also never thought I was going to be running away from people with guns.”

“I guess, the weirdest things sometimes do happen.”

“I don’t think anyone will believe me when I tell them what happened. I don’t know how you believed me. I’m not sure I would had believed myself.”

“It was too strange for me to think you made it up. It was more likely it did happen. I don’t know what that says about the world we live in.”

“Nothing good that’s for sure.”

“Besides, my parents always taught me to look for the good in people and give everyone the benefit of a doubt.”

“They are. Or they were.” Clarke shook her head. “My mom still is and my dad is dead.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago.” Clarke looked at Lexa and smiled sadly.

“Still. I know a thing or two about loss and I know what it feels. I’m sorry.” There was no pity in Lexa’s voice. That was something that rarely happened. No one ever knew how and what to say when Clarke told them, they always fumbled with their words and everything came down to pity. But not with Lexa.

Clarke looked around to shake off the thoughts of her father when she realized they were in an unfamiliar part of the town.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been here.”

“Really?” Lexa looked at her confused. “My house is down there. The one with roses in front.”

Clarke looked in front of her and saw the house Lexa was pointing at.

“It doesn’t look like anyone is there.”

“Let’s go closer.”

Clarke was starting to get really anxious again and she saw on Lexa’s face that she wasn’t fine either. She wasn’t panicking like before but she wasn’t calm like she was in Clarke’s apartment.

Once they were closer they saw the front door open but no sign of anyone inside.

“I think they’re gone.” Clarke whispered.

Lexa started to walk faster and after a couple of seconds she was standing inside her house. Clarke followed her, careful and quite scared. She looked over Lexa’s shoulder and saw the mess those people left.

“There’s my bag.” Clarke looked to her right and saw Lexa’s bag.

“It looks like they were looking for something.”

“I hope they found it.” Lexa walked around, careful not to step on all the broken glass that was laying on the floor. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“Shhh.” she came back almost running to where Clarke was standing. “They are in the backyard.”

“What?” Clarke gasped.

“We have to go.” Lexa grabbed her bag. “Go Clarke!”

Clarke turned around and started to run the same way they came. Lexa was right next to her.

“Hey!” They heard someone yell behind them. “Stop!” the same voice had said.

“Clarke don’t look back.” Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s back but it wasn’t enough. Clarke did turn around and she saw a tall bald man, with a gun, running after them.

“He has a gun.” she cried out.

“Just run. In that building.” Lexa pulled her to the side. “Roof is open and we can lock it and stay there until cops come.”

They ran into the building and started to go up the stairs. Clarke was running out of breath but she knew who was behind them and there was no way she was going to stop.

“I said stop.”

“We are almost there.” Lexa said.

And not even a minute later they were on the roof. Lexa locked the door and Clarke helped her put a bit metal storage box in front of it.

“Do you think that will hold him?” Clarke tried to not turn into a ball of panic.

“It has to.” Lexa rummaged through her bag and pulled out her phone. They were standing on the edge of the roof and looked down to see if there’s more people looking for them but it looked like there was only the one that was running after them. “Why the fuck is no one answering?”

“I’m really scared.” Clarke was a second away from crying.

“It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

“It’s not.” The man that was running after them was now standing in front of them. His gun was aimed at Lexa. “Nothing will be okay blondie.” she looked at Clarke.

“What do you want from us?”

“Nothing.” he took a step closer to Lexa, his gun still pointed at her head.

“Why are you doing this?”

Lexa stepped back, her foot kicked the edge of the roof.

“Lexa be careful.” Clarke tried to pull her closer.

“Do not touch her blondie.”

“It’s okay Clarke.”

“It’s not.” The guy took another step forward. Instinct was something Lexa always relied on. She lifted her leg, thinking she had more space and enough room to take one more step back. But she didn’t. She tripped and lost her balance. Clarke reached for her hand, to catch her and stop her from falling down. And just when Clarke’s fingers brushed against Lexa’s arm and when she was ready to breathe again, something else happened.

Clarke woke up.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Clarke saw when she opened her eyes was the starry night sky she painted on the ceiling above her bed. Her heart was racing and she had that terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach, the type you get when you are in fight or flee situation and you’d rather die than make a choice. When your gut is telling you one thing and your heart the other and you end up not doing either. The feeling that brings cold and icy into every part of your body and makes your bones ache as they burn out. That’s how Clarke felt when she woke up. Or it was just another dream of waking up. She sat up and looked around. The room was familiar, it was hers. The curtains were pulled over the window and she was cold. She couldn’t remember the last time she was that cold and she couldn’t remember nothing but the warmth she would had sweared she felt not even five minutes ago. She closed her eyes.

“Lexa.” Unfamiliar name on her lips and unforgettable green eyes in front of her eyes. It was just a dream. One that felt more real than anything that happened in the past couple of months. “Lexa.” Clarke whispered into the cold and empty room. She got up from the bed with blanket around her shoulders and walked to the window. For a split second she thought about pulling the curtains and letting the light come through but it was not that kind of a day. She peeked behind the curtains and saw snow. It was fifth day in the row that it was snowing and there was no sign it would stop any time soon. Clarke groaned. She hated the thing .She hated how white and pure it looked. She hated the way it covered all the bad things the city was filled with and most of all she hated the joy it brought to everyone around her. 

Clarke turned around, threw the blanket back on the bed and went to bathroom. She brushed her teeth and thought about the smile she saw when she said what her name was, about the hard  _ k,  _ about brown and green, oceans of it. 

Still cold and tired, Clarke rummaged through her closet to find a pair of jeans and a clean sweater. It took her way too long but she managed to put on something decent and went to the kitchen. Her phone rang.

“I’m up.” she said before yawning.

“Doesn’t sound like it.” said the voice on the other side of the line.

“You caught me at a bad moment. But I’m even out of the bed.”  

“Christmas miracle.” 

“Yay.”

“Then don’t make me wait too long please.”

“Ugh. I’m out of coffee, can you bring me some?”

“The bad one or the really nice one?”

“Really nice one please, I could use it.”

“Did something happen?”

“Just a bad dream. Strange.” 

“Okay. Then I’ll see you in a few.”

Clarke had those green eyes stuck in the back of her head and she couldn’t not see them. “Hey Raven?”

“Yes?”

“Do we know someone named Lexa?”

“Umm not that I know of. Why?”

“Nothing.” Clarke lied.

“Oookay. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Bye.”

Clarke put the phone in her pocket and looked to her right through the same window Lexa was looking. Or Clarke dreamed Lexa looking. She wondered how could it be possible for her to have such a vivid dream of someone she never met, someone she didn’t know. How could she dream about touching someone and feel as if she touched their soul. How could she have those green eyes stuck inside her head, under her skin, when it was just a dream.

“Just a dream Clarke.” she shook her head as if that was going to make it okay, better, as if the memory would fall of her head and she’d be free of it. 

She put on her coat, locked the door of her apartment and went out to wait for Raven. 

It was cold. More cold than she expected it to be but at least it stopped snowing. She remembered the last time she felt so cold. She was ten and it was her first time on the snow and she stopped herself before memories became too much. That’s when Raven jumped up in front of her.

“Here’s your coffee Grinch.”

“Thank you.” The warm cup in her hands and hot coffee in her mouth made her forget about the cold and snow and memories.

“You look like you need it.”

“Thanks.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

They started to walk toward the library where Octavia was waiting for them. Clarke thought about all the green that’s hidden beneath all the white. She thought about all the dead that’s waiting to be reborn and about everything that will never be. “Who’s Lexa?” she stopped at Raven’t mention of the name. It felt strange hearing it in someone else’s voice. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Do we know a Lexa?”

“You said we don’t.”

“Should we?” 

“I don’t think so. It’s nothing important, just something I woke up with.”

“If you say so.”

“Wow you are not late.” Octavia said when she saw her friends walking towards her. 

“Christmas came early.”

“I hope Monty is waiting for us with three empty seats.” Clarke sighed as she pulled the door open.

* * *

Warmth. That was the first thing Clarke felt. Then the light breeze hit the back of her head and sent shivers down her body. She opened her eyes and saw she was on a beach. She looked around and saw the source of the warmth. There was a fire burning nearby. Clarke saw an opened book laying next to it and started to walk towards it.

Just when she was about to reach and pick up the book she felt her legs sinking in the sand, slowly at first and then faster. She looked down and saw she couldn’t see her feet or her ankles. She bent over, put her hands on the sides of her right leg and pulled up hoping she could get it out of the sand, but with no luck.

“Help!” she yelled to no one around her. She looked to her right, then to her left. She was alone. She tried to pull the other leg out but it just went deeper and deeper, so deep she couldn’t see her knees anymore. “Help!” she tried again.

That’s when she heard a voice. “Give me your hand!”

Clarke looked around but saw no one. “I can’t see you.”

“Here!” there was a hand hanging in front of Clarke’s face. She grabbed it and held tight with both of her hands. Couple of seconds later she felt she was getting out of it, inch by inch. “You’ll be okay.” the voice said. After a minute Clarke was out and in the arms of the person that saved her.

“Thank you.” she stepped back and looked at the person standing in front of her. “It’s you.” 

“Clarke?” Lexa frowned.

“Lexa.” Clarke couldn’t believe it. “Wait.” she looked around. “This is a dream.” she put her hand over her face. “Jesus.”

“Whatever it is, we’ll die if we don’t get away from here.” Lexa looked down at the sand. “I saw ten people get eaten by this beach.”

“If you haven’t already realized it there’s nothing else here beside the sand.”

“There’s a boat.” Lexa pointed her finger behind Clarke.

“You wanna get on the boat?”

“I will.”

“You want me to get on the boat with you?” Clarke furrowed her brows. “Last time I followed you I had to run from a guy with a gun and then watch you fall off the building.”

“It was your choice to go with me.” Lexa walked past her and to the boat.

“Where are you going?” Clarke yelled after her.

“Like I said. You can stay here and be sand food or you can come with me.”

“Jesus Christ.” Clarke let out a long breath and hurried after Lexa. She got into the boat just as Lexa pushed it off the shore. “So what happens now?” Clarke said after a couple of minutes. They were sitting, each on her side of the boat. Lexa was looking down at the water and Clarke was looking at the person she had spent half of her day thinking about and convincing herself that she wasn’t real.

“I don’t know Clarke.”

“I don’t remember you like this.” Clarke crossed her arms at her chest.

“Like what?” Lexa looked up.

“Rude.”

“I’m not rude.”

“You kinda are.”

“You think I like having nightmares?”

“You think I do?”

“It’s not your nightmare.” Lexa looked back at the water.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

After another couple of minutes Clarke stood up and walked the short distance to the center of the wooden boat they were floating in. She sat down, put her head next to Lexa’s legs and stretched her legs to where she was sitting before.

“What are you doing?” Lexa looked down when she saw Clarke laying next to her.

“My back…” the green in Lexa’s eyes was shining with a different spark in the moonlight. When she decided to lay down, Clarke didn’t expect that the green that’s been haunting her waking hours would do the same in the sleeping ones. “My back hurts.” Clarke turned her eyes from Lexa’s up to the sky. “There’s no stars.”

“You like stars?” Clarke could feel Lexa’s eyes on her.

“I find them comforting.” she looked back at Lexa. “Everything we do has consequences, it shapes our and their reality. Nothing is for nothing.”

“You find that comforting?”

“Don’t you? You don’t seem like someone who prefers nothing to something.”

“How could you know that?” Lexa raised her brows.

“I don’t, I just think.” Clarke smiled. “After all this is just a dream and nothing we do or say has any effect. So why not make assumptions that may have no ground in reality.”

“You weren’t affected by your last dream?”

“You mean the one where I help the innocent girl and then watch her die?” 

“You didn’t watch me die.”

“Yeah.” 

They both laughed. “Sorry about that. I’ll try to be more careful this time.”

“Please do.” Clarke smiled. “How do we get out from here?” Clarke looked at the endless land of water around them.

“I’ll try to get us back to the shore.” Lexa leaned over the boat and started to grab in the direction they were coming from. “Just don’t get up.” But it was too late. Clarke was already up wanting to come closer to help her. The boat lost balance, Lexa with it and Clarke once again was standing next to the girl that was about to fall.

She opened her eyes in the darkness of her room.

* * *

“Two days in a row. Wow Griffin what’s going on.” Raven said when she saw Clarke getting out from the building.

“Yeah yeah.” Clarke took the coffee Raven bought for her and started to walk.

“What’s wrong?”

Ever since she woke up Clarke had been distraught to say the least. It couldn’t had been just a dream and just a girl and just. But maybe it was. Maybe the first one was the product of Clarke’s imagination and boredom and the second one was the result of Clarke’s obsessing over the first one. But then again Clarke had dreams before that were weirder and crazier and made less sense, but she never had dreams where she felt the sand in her hands, the warmth of the sun on her face, the touch of another person on her skin. What if there was more to it than just somethings. 

Clarke looked down at the way her feet left tracks on the fresh snow. It was so easy to rain chaos on the order of it all. “I had a really weird couple of nights.” she threw the empty cup in the trash and sighed.

“How weird?”

“Weird dreams.”

“What’s weird?” Octavia was leaning on one of the trees in front of the library.

“Jesus Christ. What are you doing there?” Clarke asked.

“Waiting for you.”

“Why are you not inside?”

“It’s full.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Clarke groaned.

“I wish.”

“What now?” Raven pushed her hands in her jacket.

“Let’s go to the coffee shop down the street.” Octavia suggested.

“Okay.” Clarke sighed and Raven nodded, her face hidden behind layers of clothes.

“What’s weird?” Octavia asked again.

“Clarke’s dreams.”

“What was it?”

“In the first one I woke up and it was this perfect summer day and I was happy and everything was perfect. I can’t explain it, it was just a feeling and I haven’t felt that way in a long time.” Clarke put her hands in the coat and took a deep breath in. The cold air was biting the insides of her lungs. “Then I went out and walked around until someone ran into me and threw me on the ground. I was ready to rain hell on them but then I saw it was this girl and she looked so scared and freaked out and like she was in the middle of a panic attack. She said some people with guns were running after her and that they were in her house and that she’s sorry. Then we tried to call the cops but the call never went through.”

“And her name was Lexa?” Raven asked.

“Yeah.” Clarke pulled the door of the coffee shop and let her friends walk in first. “Then we went back to my place to call them again and to get off the street if there was someone really after her. But we still couldn’t get them.”

“Living your wildest life.” Raven laughed.

“That’s not the wildest thing. We then went back to her house so she could get her stuff. And when we got there she saw the same people from before back in her yard and they had guns and we started to run. One of them ran after us. Then she said we should go inside some building and get on the roof and call cops from there. And the whole time this guy was running and yelling after us.”

“Wow.”

“Hold on a minute. I’m gonna go order.” Octavia quickly walked over to the counter and ordered three coffees. In the meantime Clarke and Raven found an empty table at the back and sat there waiting for her Octavia to come back.

“So, building, roof, go on.” she put the cups on the table and sat next to Raven.

“And when we got up, we put something heavy, I can’t remember what, in front of the door so he couldn’t get there. But like a minute later he was standing in front of us and had a gun pointed to her head. And she started to walk backwards and her feet hit the edge of the roof and she lost her balance and when I was about to grab her hand I woke up.”

“That’s… wow.”

“Yeah. So fucking weird. And the weirdest thing is that it felt so real. Her voice and her eyes and her skin, everything felt like it was real. And the fear and panic and I don’t... I’ve never felt something like that before.”

“What was the other one?” Raven took out the laptop from her bag.

“What?” 

“The other dream, you said you had weird dreams.”

“She saved me from a quicksand and then she fell off the boat because of me.” Clarke looked through the window. There were a couple of kids playing in the snow. 

“I have so many question.” Raven said.

“What does she look like?” Octavia asked.

“Hm?” she turned back to her friends.

“What does Lexa look like?”

“She’s my height, has long wavy brown hair and this green eyes that are the pretties green you could think off. Like tree leaves after rain and I don’t know, they are just so green. And she has a really nice smile.”

“Seems to me she left quite the impression on you.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re not denying it.”

“Can you dream about someone you don’t know?” Clarke decided to ignore Octavia and turned to Raven.

“Why are you asking me that?” 

“You’re the scientist.”

“You don’t need to be scientist to answer that.” Octavia chuckled. “You can. Dreams are nothing more than a deconstruction of everything you see and feel in the real world.” 

“Or is it the other way around?” Raven smirked.

“Guess it depends on what you believe to be the real world.” Octavia responded.

“Maybe all this is just a dream.”

“Yeah, how could we know if we are not just in someone’s dream talking about dreaming.”

“Maybe we’re not alive at all.”

“Maybe Clarke wishes that was real and this is a dream.” They both turned their heads to Clarke. “Do you?”

“Sometimes I really hate you guys. I was just sharing my thoughts and feelings, nothing else.” Clarke sighed. “It’s eating me. I thought you could never dream about a particular person if you don’t know them. That if it’s just a face you saw somewhere then you turn in into whatever and whoever. How can I have a clear picture of someone I don’t know, so clear it felt so real.”

“How can you know that it’s not just a dream person your subconscious constructed for you from all the faces and all the bits and pieces of the people you know or don’t know?”

“Clarke I can see your soul leaving your body.” Raven stopped and pulled Clarke’s hand. “It was just a dream c’mon. Maybe you saw her somewhere, maybe you made her up, but c’mon just a dream, relax please.” Clarke nodded and smiled. “Let’s go learn some shit.”

“Just a dream.” Clarke reassured herself.

* * *

Clarke dreamed of blue. Sky, water, ocean. Endless streams of blue washed over with string of white. She saw herself floating above it, trying too hard to touch and feel the cold beneath her but she was never able to reach that far. She saw a piece of land somewhere far away and walked and walked and walked but never got any closer.

She woke up in the pool of sweat, terrified to open her eyes.

* * *

Clarke dreamed of red. Flames, fire and blood. She stared down at hundreds of dead bodies laid on the ground. She saw fire burning through rocks and over mountains. She looked for a familiar face but never saw one.

She woke up in the middle of the night and never went back to sleep.

* * *

Clarke dreamed of green. Endless patches of green land. Forrest. Water. Sky. Everything was green. But never the right shade of it. She walked among green people searching for the one pair of eyes she didn’t know she searched for.

She woke up and spent the rest of the night drawing face she was sure she was never going to see again.

* * *

Clarke was falling. She was in space and she was falling hoping it would wake her up. But then she was on the ground and she was alone. Clarke walked aimlessly and endlessly in the place she didn’t know but still knew where to go. Blue water, green trees and blue butterflies.

“Clarke?” Familiar yet distant voice made her stop. She knew she heard it somewhere before but she couldn’t put a face to it. “Clarke?” The softness was familiar. But she couldn’t remember. Clarke turned around and saw nothing except trees and more trees and even more trees. “Clarke.” the voice was now in front of her. She saw green, the same green she’d been looking for.

“Do I know you?” she furrowed her brows.

“Clarke.” it was more of a breath than anything else.

“Lexa?” Clarke’s heart skipped a beat. She looked behind Lexa’s shoulder. “Is there someone after you?”

“I don’t think so.”

“What are you doing here?” Clarke reached out and touched Lexa’s arm, for a moment forgetting that surreal could never be real. “How the fuck does this keep happening?” she grabbed Lexa’s wrist.

“I don’t know. Lucid dreaming?”

“Really?” Clarke raised her brows.

“I don’t know.” Lexa shrugged. “I thought I was going crazy and that I made it all up.”

“So this is also your dream? ”

She looked around. “It was but I don’t think it is anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Clarke frowned.

“There you are, we’ve been looking for you.” A group of men in blue coats were standing behind Clarke and looking at her.

“Me?” she asked, confused.

“Yes. They need you back at the base.”

“What the fuck.” Lexa said confused. She had her hands pulled and tied behind her back and one of the men was standing next to her with his hand on Lexa’s shoulder. 

“What’s going on?” Clarke’s eyes were jumping from Lexa to his hand on Lexa’s shoulder.

“She’s trespassing.”

“What the fuck is going on?” Lexa asked with panic in her eyes. “Clarke what’s going on?” she said as she was being dragged further into the forest.

“Hey where are you taking her?”  Clarke tried to go after them but she felt someone holding her in place.

“You need to go with us. They are waiting for you.”

“Who is waiting for me? Hey!” Clarke tried but with no luck. She turned around hoping she’d see Lexa but there was only blackness. 

“Clarke you need to wake up.” she repeated the words like a mantra but with no effect. It was turning into another nightmare. She couldn’t stop thinking about Lexa and where they took her. She was scared and lost and alone. And then she wasn’t walking anymore. She was sitting at the center of a large oval table, with people to her left and right. She couldn’t see their faces, just silhouettes. She heard them talking. So many different voices. She recognized words. Food, Water. War..

“What happened to that girl?” she asked the man standing behind her.

“Trial.”

“Where is she?”

“Lock up.”

“Take me to her.”

“You can’t go there.”

“Why?”

“Orders.”

“Who’s orders?”

“Yours.”

“What?” she stood up and then felt his hands on her shoulders and she felt like she was being pushed down. Clarke closed her eyes. She was falling again. This time not through space. It was water. Then fire. Then she was back among trees and she felt her fingers intertwined with someone else’s. She looked down and saw a hand holding hers. She lifted her eyes up to the head of the person pulling her forward. She saw brown, streams of it and then green.

“I’m tired.” Clarke leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder.

“It’s your dream.” It was dark and they were under an open sky, millions of stars above their heads.

“It was different before.” Clarke whispered.

“When I was being dragged into the unknown?”

“No. The other times.”

“Because those were mine.”

“But we were in my apartment.” 

“Were we?”

“It was…”

“It was my old place.” Lexa layed down on the grass and looked at the sky above her head. “I realized it after I woke up.”

“It can’t be.”

“But it is. Think about it.” Lexa turned her head sideways and was looking at Clarke. “Can you remember any of it? But really remember not just assume because you think it was yours.”

“You’re right.” Clarke frowned. “That wasn’t my place.”

“And the one after it was my...” Lexa looked at Clarke’s hand in hers. “My ex girlfriend’s home town.”

Clarke blinked. “The one where sand eats people. Nice.”

“Yeah, that’s on me, I hate sand and I hate that place.” Lexa chuckled. “But this one is yours. I’ve never been here.”

Clarke looked around and then up at the sky. She knew where they were. “My dad used to bring me here when I was a kid.” Clarke chuckled. “I have that” she pointed to the sky “painted above my bed.” she turned her head to Lexa. 

“Your dad has a nice taste in… nature.”

Clarke smiled at the memory. “He did.”

“Oh.”

“It was a long time ago.”

“What happened?”

“Car accident. It felt so strange. He was there, in everything, And then just like that he wasn’t.”

“I’m sorry.” Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s.

“He loved this place.”

“Do you come here a lot?”

“I haven’t been here since he died.”

“Why?”

“It’s too hard.”

“You have to cherish the time you spent with him, all the memories you got to make or you are going to forget it all.”

“Maybe.” Clarke looked at the green she tried to recreate on paper in all of her sleepless nights but never really managed.

“What?” Lexa asked.

“Nothing.” Clarke blushed.

“What”

“You have pretty eyes.”

“Do I?” 

“Yes. Not easy to forget.”

“I’ve been dreaming of blue.” Lexa smiled.

“Have you?”

“Oh I’ve drowned so many times.”

“Please don’t. Not again.” Clarke laughed. “That seems to be the main theme of your dreams.”

“What do you mean?”

“Death. First falling off the building then drowning.”

“Or I dreamed about bumping into a pretty blonde and then she made me fall off the building. It all depends on how you want to look at it.”

“Really?”

“Well yeah, think about it. If you weren’t standing there then I’d probably never fell off that building. And if you hadn’t got up in that boat I for sure would never fell off that boat.””

“Yeah, you’d probably get shot or died from starvation. That’s so much better.”

“I’ve always wanted to fly.”

“There’s safer ways to do that.”

“Like what?”

Clarke sat up and chewed on her lip looking somewhere behind her. “Oh what the hell.” she stood up and turned to Lexa. “Come with me. I wanna show you something.”

“What?” Lexa slowly got up on her feet.

“Trust me.” Clarke smiled.

“Okay.”

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand and led her back where they came from, only now there were rocks and mountains around them. “There’s a lake nearby where I used to go as a kid. My parents never let me do one thing I’ve always wanted to do and there’s no better time to do it than now.”

“What is it?” Lexa lifted her head and saw they were standing on the cliff, Clarke was leaning over it and Lexa stood behind her. She looked down to where Clarke was staring and saw a huge lake. “Cliff jumping? Really?”

“On three.” Clarke grinned still holding Lexa’s hand.

“Clarke no.”

“One.”

“Clarke.”

“C’mon Lexa, it’s just a dream. Two.”

“Oh God.”

“Three.” They and jumped, side by side, hand in hand. They hit the water together and they swimmed up together. 

“You are crazy.” Lexa splashed the water in Clarke’s face.

“You jumped, and you were flying, so shut up.”

“Not the point.” Lexa rolled her eyes.

Clarke spread her arms and let herself be carried by water. “Please make your dreams more like this when I’m in them. Less dying and more laughing.”

“I’ll try.”

“So those times you were the one who had to wake up and now that’s me?”

“I guess so.”

“What happens then?”

 

_ Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! _

Clarke opened her eyes and saw darkness.

“Fuck.”

  
  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

She woke up smiling and that never happened, not anymore, not in a long time. But there she was, on the brink of laughing out loud. She got up from the bed and walked into the bathroom. She turned on the shower and looked at herself in the mirror. It was a strange feeling. She shook her head before she could think of the impossible and got under the shower. She hoped the hot and high pressure stream hitting her body would blow away all the impossible thoughts that were looming over her head for the past couple of weeks, and that managed to sneak into her mind that morning.

But as she was leaving her apartment half an hour later, she was thinking about the blue, the blonde and the impossible.

“Do you think it’s possible to share dreams with someone?” Lexa stared at her half empty cup of coffee so she wouldn’t have to look at her friends.

“What?” two people sitting opposite her said at the same time.

Lexa sighed. “The craziest thing keeps happening to me and I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Explain what?” the dirty blonde woman asked.

“You’ll laugh at me.”

“Only if it’s laughable.” the woman smirked.

“Forget it.” Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Ignore her.” the man said. “What’s going on?”  he added.

“No, forget it.” Lexa looked through the window. She knew there would be no going back if she said it out loud. It would become real and out of her control. Even though she probably never even had any kind of control over it. 

“C’mon Lexa.” the guy said. 

“I promise I’ll behave.” the woman said. “Scout’s honor.”

“Do you think it’s possible for two people to dream the same thing at the same time?”

“What, like be aware they are two real people, sleeping and dreaming the same thing at the same dream space, place, whatever it is?” the woman asked.

“Yeah.” Lexa knew what her answer was going to be.

“No.”

“I think anything is possible.” the guy said.

“Yeah, Lincoln, and Santa Claus and Tooth Fairy are also real.” the woman chuckled.

“And you know for a fact they are not?” he asked her.

“Are we really doing this?” 

“Let’s just please forget it.”  Lexa interrupted them.

“What I want to know is why would you ask such a question?” the woman looked at Lexa. “It’s really not your style, is it?” 

“I’m not going to talk about it.”

“Why?” 

“Because you’re not taking it seriously.”

The woman laughed. “And you’d take it seriously if I just came one day and asked you that?” she raised her brows. “C’mon Lexa, you’ve got to know how ridiculous that question was.”

“Maybe.” Lexa said.

“Maybe?” 

“Anya, don’t pester her.” Lincoln said. 

“I’m not. I just want to know.” Anya looked back at Lexa. “You had a weird dream and now you think you’ve entered a different dimension?” 

“Are you asking or saying?” Lexa asked.

“Asking.”

“I think you’re trying to get a laugh out of it.” Lexa said.

“I’m not.”

“Let’s stop.” Lincoln jumped in. “And talk about something else.”

Lexa and Anya continued to stare at each other until Anya chuckled and turned her head in Lincoln’s direction. “How’s that new girl of yours doing?” she asked him.

“She’s not exactly mine.”

“Still? I thought you were crazy about her.”

“That doesn’t mean she’s crazy about me.”

“I’ve met her and I doubt she’s not. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, I just don’t know what are you waiting for.”

Lexa looked again out through the window and turned her friends off. They’ve known each other for quite some time. She knew Anya almost her entire life and Lincoln was Costia’s friend and the only one that stayed. He was a lot like her and Lexa knew he’d find the impossible possible. 

But Anya was different. She was grounded in reality, pragmatic. She’d shut down any impossible thought Lexa had, like many times before. And Lexa wasn’t ready for that, not yet and maybe not ever.  

Clarke came to her mind. The stars and the flying and the laughter. Even if it was just a dream, just her mind’s projection, it was enough to make her feel something she hadn’t felt in years.

“What are you smiling about?” Anya’s voice made her stop mid thought.

She looked at her and noticed Lincoln wasn’t there.

“Where’s Lincoln?”

“He left while you were zoned out. He had to go somewhere.” Anya said. “What got you smiling?”

“I’m just thinking about something.”

“Someone?”

“I’m not sure I can call it that.”

“What’s going on with you?” Anya looked at her. “You are acting really weird.” she crossed her arms.

“Honestly I wouldn’t even know how to explain it.”

“Try.” 

“I don’t know.” Lexa chewed on her lip.

“I promise I won’t be mean, if that’s what’s stopping you.”

“You being mean is not the problem, I can deal with that.”

“Then I promise I won’t say anything.”

Lexa looked out again. “I keep having these dreams that feel like they’re not really dreams.” she closed her eyes. “There’s this girl that’s in them and when she’s there it feels like it’s not a dream. Like I’m really there talking to her and… she feels real.”

Anya sat in silence, for what seemed like hours. Lexa could see she was thinking and she regretted saying anything. “What does she look like?” Anya asked after some time.

“Anya, it’s not that. She looks nothing like her.”

Anya nodded slowly. “And how long has that been going on?”

Lexa sighed and rubbed her temples. “Why do I feel like you’re about to tell me I need to go to therapy.”

“I’m not. I just want to know.”

“It happened a couple of times.”

“You do know that it’s not real? Right?” Anya asked. “I need you to tell me you are aware that’s just dreams, it’s not real.”

“Yes Anya, I know it’s just dreams.” Lexa lied.

“Are you okay?” she could hear the concern in Anya’s voice.

“I am.” Lexa sighed.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes.”

“And you’ll tell me if you’re not?”

“I will.”

* * *

Ever since she was a little kid Lexa loved sleep. She always thought there was something magical in going to bed every night, completely shutting down the world around you for six, seven, eight hours. It was peace and calm, her father wasn’t yelling and her mother wasn’t crying. Problems stopped existing and dreams were a possibility, reality. 

Dreams.

Lexa remembered the first time she asked her mother about people in her dreams. She would never forget her mother’s words:

“It’s a world inside a world that’s only yours.”, she said. “You can be whoever you want to be, you can do whatever you want to do, and you can’t always control it. But be careful, dreams can be scary just like the real world. No matter what you want and how much you want it, you won’t always get it.”

But Lexa loved even the scary ones. The ones with monsters and death, the ones that would wake her up in the middle of the night. She loved them because no matter what they were only hers. 

She loved sleeping and dreaming and she would had never trade it for anything in the world. 

Until she met Costia. That was when Lexa wanted to live her dreams. She started to hate wasting time sleeping and dreaming of things that weren’t real when she already had everything she ever wanted. 

She started to live her dreams. 

Costia was like from another Earth. She was a calm before the storm that never came. She was the sunshine after the rain that didn’t matter. She could move mountains and she could crumble with the smallest breeze. She was sweet and sour and most of all she was Lexa’s. Second thing in her life that Lexa knew was just and only hers.

They were fifteen when they first met and sixteen when dreams started to lose their purpose. Lexa wanted and tried to spend every minute she could awake because that’s where Costia was. Once when she did fall asleep she’d dream of the loneliest places possible and Costia was never there. 

Lexa loved their summers the most. Costia’s parents had a beach house far and away from the rest of the world. They’d spend endless hours laying in sand, tangled in each other. Nothing and no one mattered. There was no past and no future, there was only present and the time they had with each other. That was the first and only time Lexa lived in the moment. Costia was magic.

But then it all stopped. Magical creature fell asleep and never woke up and Lexa started to live her nightmare. She dreaded dreams even more than she hated reality. Still, she never dreamed of Costia but always about Costia. 

Her bed, her beach, her house, her laugh.

Lexa spent her awake hours trying to avoid seeing her everywhere just to have her everywhere around her once she closed her eyes. She was in every little thing Lexa ever did, said or wanted. Her dreams died with Costia that night and she stopped caring about the nightmares. 

Until Clarke came along. It was the first time in a very long time that Lexa started to look forward to sleep, to dreaming. She would never admit it, to herself or to anyone else, but she did wonder and hoped. At first it felt strange, felt like cheating, like settling. But then it felt lighter, brighter and bluer. 

Clarke was the opposite of everything she once thought she wanted in life. But she was there, in her dreams, in her world. She was, in a way, hers.

* * *

Lexa dreamed of blue. Everything and everyone around her was blue. The sky, the ground, the trees. The soft and calming type of blue, the one she only saw in her dreams.

She spent her awake hours looking for that blue, trying to find it in the eyes of strangers. She never did.

* * *

It had been a couple of weeks since her last dream with the blonde girl in it. She almost convinced herself she imagined it all, that none of it ever happened, just her mind playing dirty tricks with her.

But then she saw her again.

It was sudden and unexpected like every time before. Lexa couldn’t even remember what she was dreaming about before she saw her. It didn’t even matter because Clarke was sitting in front of her and looking at a piece of paper in her hands.

“I really am going crazy.” that was when Clarke looked up. She was frowning at first but then she smiled.

“That makes two of us.”

“Are we going crazy?” Lexa took a step closer. She was scared of things she didn’t want to name.

“I honestly don’t know.”

“Where are we?” Lexa took another step.

Clarke looked around before answering. “On top of a building.”

“You don’t know where?”

Clarke looked up at her. “No.” 

“What’s that?” Lexa pointed at a piece of paper in Clarke’s hands.

Clarke bit her lip. “It was a picture of you. I think.”  she looked down at a blank paper in her hand. “I think I was drawing before this.”

“You were drawing me?” Lexa smiled.

“Yeah, I was drawing the girl from my dreams.” Clarke smirked.

“When you say it like that…” Lexa smiled. She sat down next to Clarke. “So this keeps happening.” she said looking at Clarke’s hands.

“Do you hate it?” 

“Do you?” 

“I asked first.”

“I don’t.” Lexa smiled at her.

“I love it.” Clarke bit her lip. “But don’t tell anyone.” 

Lexa tried to hide her smile. “So you’re an artist?” 

“Sometimes.”

“I wish I could see.” Lexa said.

“I wish this wasn’t a dream.” Clarke whispered back. “Is that creepy to say?” she looked at Lexa.

Lexa giggled. “I’m not as charming in real life.” 

“I doubt that.” Clarke smiled.

“I’ve had a list of things I wanted to ask you and now I can’t remember any of it.”

“I know the feeling.” Clarke chuckled. “I think I figured out how this works.”

“You did?” 

“Not all of it. Just this part.” Clarke licked her lips. “This is your dream and I think I’m here because you were dreaming about me.”

“How is that even possible?” 

“Think about it. Every time we were in my dream it was after I wanted you to be there.”

“That doesn’t explain the first time.”

“I know.”  Clarke looked at Lexa’s hands. “But it’s better than nothing.”

“Do you think we could…”

Lexa woke up in her bed. Her heart was beating as if she spent the last hour running. “Fuck.”

* * *

“What got you so gloomy?”

“Hm?”

“You haven’t heard a word of what I’ve said in the last ten minutes.” Lincoln laughed. “What got you so out of it?”

Lexa smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry. There’s a lot on my mind.”

“Can I help with some of it?”

“I don’t think so.” Lexa smiled. “But thank you for asking.” 

Lincoln looked at her. He put his hand on her shoulder. “I think you need to start dating.”

“Lincoln.” she shook her head. 

“Lexa.” he chuckled. “It’s been a long time.”

“And it’s not like I’ve been alone for all of it.”

“You also weren’t not alone.” he smiled. “I don’t think she’d want you to be alone.”

“I’ve had girlfriends.”

“No, you didn’t. You had hookups. You need to start going on real dates.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Octavia has a friend.”

“No, Lincoln, you will not play a matchmaker for me. I’m not interested in that right now.”

“She’s really pretty.”

“I really don’t care.”

He sighed. “You need to let go.”

“I did. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m still holding on to anything.”

“It looks like you are.”

“But it’s not, I assure you.”

“Okay, if you say so, but if you change your mind just let me know.”

“Yeah, yeah.” 

* * *

Lexa dreamed about the past. She dreamed of a face that once was Lexa’s whole world and now is no one’s. She woke up with tears streaming down her face. 

She closed her eyes and wished for Clarke. 


	4. Chapter 4

“I think you might have a problem.”

“What?” Clarke yelled from the bathroom with a toothbrush in her mouth. 

“I think you might have a problem,” Octavia walked to her with a dozen pieces of paper with the one and same face on them. “Who is this?”

“Why are you going through my stuff?” Clarke took the drawings from Octavia’s hand and put them on her bed. 

“I wasn’t, they were laying on your bed.” Clarke walked past her and buttoned her shirt all the way up. “You are going to ignore it?”   
“I don’t think I have anything to say.”

“Who is that and why haven’t I met her?” 

Clarke’s heart was beating fast and faster. She felt it in her throat and lungs and she felt if she blinked tears would fall from her eyes. “It’s no one,” she tried to seem unaffected.

“Doesn’t seem like that.”

“Are you ready to go?” Clarke turned around and smiled.

“Sure.” Octavia said. “But we will get back to this, don’t think that you’ll get a pass.”

“I know I won’t.” Clarke smiled.

It had been two months since she last dreamt about her, or saw her. Clarke was starting to forget how she looked, the right shade of green that was in her eyes. As the time went by she started to draw her more, to stop herself from forgetting, to cut her deep into her brain and memory and to never forget. It was bordering with obsession and Clarke couldn’t explain it. She couldn’t explain why remembering Lexa mattered so much, why Lexa mattered so much, why she never talked about her with any of her friends, why she never mentioned the dreams and the wanting and not getting. She started to hope to run into her, she started to imagine what would she say to her if she saw her, if Lexa would remember, if Clarke would recognize her. 

So Clarke made sure she had traces of her everywhere she looked. When she saw Octavia holding pieces of her, her whole body went into a full panic mode. She never mentioned Lexa to her friends after that first dream. She knew it wouldn’t end well and she was scared they’d run the thought of Lexa into ground. Clarke needed Lexa without knowing the reason. She just knew.

* * *

“So there’s going to be like a dozen of us third wheeling to you guys?”

“It can’t be third wheeling if it’s dozen.”

“That was so the point yes, thank you Clarke,” Raven rolled her eyes. “Where is he anyway? I’m hungry.”

“You’re whiny.”

“Because I’m hungry.”

“They will be here in a minute,” Octavia smiled at her phone.

“I can’t believe I thought you guys were official and you still are not,” Clarke said. “I could have sworn.”

“We are but we aren’t, it’s complicated.”

“Why don’t you uncomplicate it, everyone thinks and knows you guys are together.” Clarke looked around, searching for Lincoln. “Why are Raven and I even here?” 

“Because I asked nicely,” Octavia said.

“I’m here for food,” Raven sighed.

“Hey.” Clarke turned around and saw Lincoln walking to them and a woman was walking with him. “I’m so sorry we are late, it’s a long story.” He hugged and kissed Octavia and smiled to the rest of them. “How are you?”, he turned to Clarke and Raven.

“Hungry and I blame you,” Raven pouted.

“I take the blame and I hope you will forgive me,” he laughed. “This is Anya.”

“Hi.”

“Nice to meet you,” Clarke smiled.

“Nice to meet you too,” Anya said. “I’m also hungry.”

“Let’s go eat then please.” Raven whined.

“Okay, okay, calm down.”

They went into the restaurant and sat at the only empty table inside. 

“I thought you were bringing someone else,” Octavia said after they ordered the food.

Lincoln shook his head. “That was the plan yes, but she canceled it ten minutes before we were supposed to meet. That’s why we were late.”

“She’s annoying, let’s not talk about her I don’t wanna lose my nerves again,” Anya said.

“I’ve been trying to get her to meet you guys for some time now,” Lincoln said. “I think you’d like her,” he turned to Clarke. 

“You do look like her type,” Anya said.

“Octavia should have told you I’m not a fan of people playing Cupid with me.”

Lincoln laughed. “I know, but you can’t blame me for trying to try.”

“Just don’t make a habit out of it,” Clarke winked at him.

* * *

Cold, metal like surface under Clarke’s hand was the first thing she felt when she opened her eyes. She looked around and saw black and white room with little to no furniture. Other than the bed she was laying on, there was a chair, a table and a pen. There was a door and a window. Clarke stood up and felt dizzy. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. She walked to the window and looked out.

Everything was black, except a small blue dot down below her. 

She was in space and she was dreaming.

Clarke opened the door and walked out. She found herself in the long hallway with another door at the end of it. She walked and walked and walked and pushed the door open once she was finally in front of them. There was a tiny flame of hope burning and building, an endless possibility of maybe. 

The room she walked into was bigger than the one she woke up in. It had more light and color. The walls were blue and the floor was green. One side was covered in glass and overlooking the vast and seemingly empty space outside. There was another smaller room next connected to the one where Clarke was. And there she was.

“Lexa?” Clarke whispered, afraid she was just hoping too hard. But then Lexa turned around and Clarke knew. “It’s you.”

“Clarke.” Lexa was smiling. “It’s been a while,” she got up from her chair. 

“A minute yes,” Clarke walked up to her. “I thought it’s gone.”

“Me too.”

“I’m really happy it’s not.”

“Me too,” Lexa smiled softly.

“So where are we?” Clarke said as she looked around and out the window. “Space?” 

“Looks like it yes.”

“I’ve never been to space.”

“Neither have I.”

“Then whose dream is this?”

“Do you wanna go to space?” 

“I’ve always wanted.”

“I thought I was going to be an astronaut when I grew up.”

“Really?” Clarke grinned. “I’ve always wanted to float up high with stars.”

“How would that work?” Lexa smiled.

“I wasn’t thinking about the technical stuff,” Clarke giggled. “I just wanted to be up there.”

“And is it everything you hoped it’d be?” Lexa looked out in front of them. It allowed Clarke to look at her. The sharp lines of her face and the softness of it. 

“Yes,” she said answering a question Lexa never asked.

“It’s not bad,” she turned to Clarke. 

“What do you think how much time we are going to have?”

“I wish I knew.”

Clarke sighed and sat down where Lexa was sitting when she found her. “What do you wanna do?” 

“What can we do?”    
“It’s a dream, we can do whatever we want,” Clarke smiled.

“How do you drink your coffee?” Lexa asked.

“What?” Clarke looked at her confused.

“I wanna get to know you. Or at least something about you.”

“Black, with a drop of hot milk a bit more of cold and sugar.”

“That’s a lot.”

“That’s only when I get it out. When I drink it at home than it’s usually just black.” Lexa was smiling the whole way Clarke was talking. “Do I have something on my face?” Clarke asked.

“No, I just love how enthusiastic you are when you talk about things you love.”

“I can’t help it.” Clarke grinned. “My friends tell me it’s annoying.”   
“It’s not. It’s cute.”

Clarke blushed. “What about you?” 

“Just black. I don’t like sugar or cream.”

“It suits you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s a compliment. You have good taste.” Clarke looked down Lexa’s body. “In everything.”

Lexa looked at her shirt and pants, she chuckled. “I’m wearing the same thing I wore when I fell off the building.”

“I guess I liked it,” Clarke said.

“What’s your favorite color?” 

“Green.” Clarke was a bit too fast and too eager to answer.

Lexa raised her brows and grinned. “That’s interesting.”

Clarke could feel red creeping up on her face, she looked down hoping Lexa wouldn’t see it. “What’s yours?” Clarke tried not to smile like a complete idiot.

“Black.”

“Liar.”

“Think of something you want to do.” 

Clarke closed her eyes and thought about ice cream from an ice cream truck that used to go around her neighborhood when she was a kid. When she opened them she was in front of her house and a truck was in front of her.

Lexa was next to her.

“How did you know it was my dream?” 

“It was a bit too nice to be mine,” Lexa said. “So you thought about ice cream?” 

“It’s the best ice cream in the world.”

“Oookay.”

“It is. I used to wake up early every Saturday to be the first in line. My mom would always get mad at my dad and me for eating it so early, before breakfast.”

“What was your favorite?”

“Chocolate,” Clarke looked inside an empty truck. “I wish you tried it.”

“Does it still exist?” 

“I don’t know.” Clarke turned around. “Let’s go for a walk.”

“As long as your dream doesn’t kill me.”

“I hope it won’t.”

They walked down the street where Clarke spent most of her childhood. She told Lexa about her friends, her mom and her dad, the way she spent her days and what she wanted to be in life. She told stories she thought were long forgotten. Every time Lexa would laugh, Clarke’s heart grew ten times and the fire burning inside her grew higher. 

“I have to tell you something,” Lexa said when they got back where the ice cream truck was. “I kinda missed talking with you.”

“I did too.” Clarke licked her lips. “Do you wanna go see my room?”   
“Are you allowed to bring girls there?” 

“I’m sure it’s going to be okay.”   
“Then yes,” Lexa smiled.

Clarke went into her old house, walked up the stairs to her old room and closed the door. Lexa was always just a step behind. Clarke knew because she made sure to turn around every other second. “It’s nothing like I thought it’d be.” Lexa said when they were inside.

“What did you think? Clarke smiled.

The room was small, it had a bed, a desk, a chair, a bookshelf, the walls were a mix between light yellow and white and there was a lot of drabbles hanging from almost every surface. 

“I thought it was going to be more… green.” 

“Shut up.” 

“It’s nice.” Lexa sat on the bed. “How many hearts have been broken here?” 

“Zero.” Clarke sat next to her. “My parents were cool when it came to a lot of things but never when it came to brining boys or girls up here.”

“So I’m your first?” Lexa grinned.

“In more ways than one yes.” 

“I’ve wanted to ask you something.” Lexa leaned towards Clarke.

“Yes?” Clarke’s eyes jumped between Lexa’s eyes and mouth. 

“You’re really nice.” 

Green, green, green, only thing Clarke ever wanted. “That’s not a question.”

“I know,” Lexa smiled. “I just had to say it.” 

“Thank you,” Clarke licked her lips. 

“Where do you live?” 

“What do you mean?” Clarke frowned.   
“At what city, country, where are you from?”

“I’m from… uh…” Clarke frowned.

“From?” 

* * *

Clarke had always hated waking up but never as much as that day.

“Fuck.” She covered her face with her hands. She wanted to scream. Why is it that every time she’s awake she has a million and one question for Lexa and when she’s not, she doesn’t have time to hear one.  

Clarke closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep again. 

Next time she opened them it was already past noon and Lexa was further than she ever was. Clarke got up from the bed and went to the kitchen. She made some coffee and turned on her phone. She had 10 missed calls from Raven.

“I thought you died,” Raven said when Clarke called her.

“I was sleeping.”

“Always sleeping.”   
“I wish.”

“You missed seeing the hottest girl my eyes have ever seen.”

“What?”    
“I saw the hottest girl in the world.”   
“I’m not following.”

“At the coffee shop this morning. She was in line in front of me.”

“You fall in love twice a day.”

“I didn’t fall in love, she’s just super hot.” Clarke laid down on her couch. “She had a tattoo on her arm and on her back, and braids in her hair and a killer face.”

“You sound in love.”

“I’m just appreciating the wonders of the world. Are you still in bed?”

“No. I’m on the couch.”

“Wow.”

“Do you want something or you just wanted to tell me about the hot girl you fell in love with this morning?” Clarke was starting to get irritated. Raven did nothing wrong but Clarke wasn’t in the mood to listen to her stories about women she saw. There was only one she wanted to think about and Clarke didn’t even know if she was real.

“Once again I did not fall in love, she’s actually more of your type than mine, I just have eyes.”

“Do you or don’t you need something?”    
“You sound very hostile.”

“I’m really not in the mood Raven.”

“So you don’t want to hang out?” 

“Maybe later, not now.”

“What happened.”

“Bad dreams.” Clarke lied.

“Okay.”

“I’ll call you later.”

Clarke closed her eyes. She could still see the green. It had to be real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check this out, if you feel like it   
> http://ordinarklo.tumblr.com/post/174282651110/oscillatewildely-is-making-all-my-dreams-come


	5. Chapter 5

“You’re becoming a regular,” Lexa smiled to the girl that sat down next to her. She first saw her there a couple of weeks ago and now she was turning into a regular. Her name was Raven, Lexa learned.

“Good morning tattoos,” Raven grinned.

“One or two?,” the barista asked.

“Two.”

“One with half a cup of sugar and one with no sugar at all?”

“Makes my heart feel warm that you’ve learned my order,” she looked at Lexa.

“You’ve been here every day for the past week.”

“And here I was thinking it was because I was pretty.”

“I’ve already told you that you’re not my type,” Lexa smiled.

“I know, you don’t have to break my heart every day,” Raven said. “How come you’re here every morning?”

“I like to wake up early. Why are you always here so early?”

“I have a friend who likes to sleep and needs a wake up call and coffee to get out of bed.”

“Oh, now it makes sense, this sugary nightmare is for you and the coffee is for your friend.”

“Ha ha you are so funny.”

“I’ve been told.”

“What’s your type, tattoos?”

“Why do you keep calling me that?”

“Because you don’t want to tell me your name and I like your tattoos.”

“I don’t have a type.”

“Ouch,” Raven put her hand over her heart. “You broke it again.”

“It’s blonde with killer rack and a hint of not being real,” Anya said from where she was sitting and drinking her coffee.

“Shut up and don’t eavesdrop,” Lexa said. 

“I know someone just like that,” Raven grinned.

“But is she real?,” Anya asked.

“Anya.”

Raven got her coffee and went over to where Anya was. “Nice to meet you Anya,” she said.

“Nice to meet you too Raven,” Anya smiled.

“So blondes with killer rack? What a small world.”

“Don’t listen to her please,” Lexa said but it was too late.

“The other cup is for a blonde with killer rack.”

“Can you stop saying that?,” Lexa groaned.

“Or better yet bring her around next time you come,” Anya said. “Even though she’s real I don’t think it’s gonna be that big of a problem. Right tattoos?,” Anya smirked.

“I’m removing myself from this conversation,” Lexa walked to the other side of the coffee shop.

Lexa knew it was a mistake to tell Anya anything about the girl from her dreams. But Lexa had to tell something to someone or it was destined to drive her insane. At first Anya was very hostile and didn’t want to hear anything about it being or feeling real. But over time she caved in and let Lexa talk about it more. Maybe it was because she saw that it was starting to be a real problem for Lexa or maybe because Lexa stopped describing it as real and started to call it surreal. 

It was a while since she last saw her. Blonde with a killer rack as Anya described her. That was also Lexa’s fault. But it was the only way to describe Clarke and not sound like a complete lunatic. Blonde with a killer rack that Lexa couldn’t get out of her head. Blonde with a killer rack that was the last thing Lexa thought about every time she went to bed. 

“I was just kidding, you know that right?,” Anya told her later that day. “This morning in the coffee shop. I was just messing with you.”

“It’s alright.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to think I was trying something…”

“It’s okay Anya, I know how to take a joke.”

“You never know with you,” Anya said. “Any new dreams to talk about?”

“No.” 

* * *

Clarke had a problem.

“Honey what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You know you can tell me anything.”

“You’ll think I’m crazy.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because even I think I am.”

“Okay,” Abby paused the movie and turned to Clarke. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

There was no going back from there. Once Clarke tells her mother about it then she won’t be able to hide it from everyone, but maybe she had to share it with someone, someone who’d give reason to it or make her snap out of it. “I keep having these dreams,” Clarke closed her eyes. A silhouette of a familiar yet strange person came in front of her. With the braids in her hair and smile on her face. “About a woman I don’t know, I’ve never met.”

“It happens to everyone,” Abby put her hand on Clarke’s leg. “There’s nothing crazy about that.”

“It feels real,” Clarke sighed. “She says it is and I feel it in my soul that it is and that’s not possible and I don’t know what to do or what to think…”

“Woah, slow down,” Abby frowned. “You think it’s not dreams?”

“No it is dreams, I’m asleep when it happens and so is she, at least that’s what she tells me.”

“So it is a dream?”

“When she touches me it feels as real as your hand on my knee right now.”

“You know that’s not possible,” Abby shook her head. Clarke looked at her mother and saw confusion and fear in her eyes. “You know that Clarke, right?”

“I told you you’d think I’m crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy honey,” Abby put her hand around Clarke’s neck. “Those you wish were real, those you wish you never had and those you think are real,” Abby kissed her cheek. “You’ve always had those.”

“What?”

“I remember when you were a kid, your father was still here and sometimes you’d come to us and tells us about this little girl that kept popping up in your dreams. You’d tell us how you ran around and played with her and how she’s your friend.”

“Wait what?”

“At first we thought you were just having an imaginary friend, because it took you a while to get some real ones. But then you kept talking about how you saw your friend while you were sleeping.”

“And you just went with it?”

“You told us it’s a girl you saw sometimes in the park and we didn’t see anything wrong with you having dreams that weren’t nightmares. You were really happy to go to bed and that was more than enough for us.”

“It was someone I knew?”

“No, I asked you a couple of times to show me the girl but it turned out they moved away,” Abby said. “It was just a girl you saw and built and dream world for her,” she paused. “This is probably the same thing.”

“I’m telling you I’ve never seen the woman in my life.”

“Maybe you just need a girlfriend.”

“Mom.”

“What?”

Clarke shook her head. “Why don’t I remember any of that?” 

“It was a long time ago and it stopped when your father died.”

“I don’t understand,” Clarke said. “I remember everything, the song you’d hum when you were reading and the dress you made me wear we’d go to some of dad’s stupid work things. Why can’t I remember this?”

“Because it’s not important?,” Abby smiled. “You’re not crazy, but you might turn crazy if you keep thinking about it,” she said. “Everyone has those type of dreams. And as long as they’re nice there no reason to think about it.”

“Yeah.”

* * *

Lexa opened her eyes and felt something soft under her and on her. She was in a bed and there was someone next to her. She looked around. It was a room with white walls and nothing but a bed in the middle of it. 

Lexa looked over at the person lying next to her. It was Clarke. She never saw her looking like that. At peace.

“Clarke, wake up,” she said quietly. “Clarke,” she put her hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “Wake up.”

Clarke opened her eyes and backed away from Lexa. Her eyes were filled with panic and something that Lexa would call fear if she hadn't knew better. 

“Where am I? What are you doing here?” 

Lexa pulled her hand away from Clarke’s shoulder. “You’re sleeping and I don’t know where we are.”

“Why does this shit keep happening to me?,” Clarke put her hands over her eyes. “Why can’t I have normal dreams like normal person?”

“I’m sorry,” Lexa got as far away from Clarke as she could. 

“Why do I keep dreaming about you?,” Clarke looked at Lexa.

“You’re not dreaming about me.”

“This is not real and stop saying it is.”

“I am real.”

“No, you are not. This is just a dream,” Clarke said. “I don’t understand why you are not freaked out by this if you are real.”

“You don’t know what I am and what I am not.”

“Yeah, sure,” Clarke looked away and around the room. “This is a hospital.” When Lexa looked around the room that was empty just a minute ago, she saw chairs and pictures hanging on the walls, pots with flowers, window and a door. “This is a fucking nightmare.” Lexa looked at Clarke and saw panic and fear again.

“Will you calm down? Like you said, it’s just a dream.”

“Nightmares are just dreams.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I could watch you die again.”

“Why do you care if I’m not real?”

“I’m just tired of watching people die.”

“Then wake up.”

“Yeah because that happens like that.”

“Calm down.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“What happened to you?”

“Nothing happened to me.”

“Last time this happened you weren’t… I thought you…,” Lexa sighed. “Close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Close your eyes Clarke, please.” Clarke hesitated but then she closed her eyes. “I know this is unexplainable and scary and a lot of things,” Lexa said. “But I am real.” She wrapped her fingers around Clarke’s wrist and made sure Clarke did the same. “I can hear your heart beating and I know you can hear mine. I can’t explain this, any of this, I don’t know if I ever will, but I am real and I know you are.”

Clarke opened her eyes. She looked down at her hand on Lexa’s and then up at her eyes. “There’s no way to explain this and I can’t…”

“But why would you need to explain it?”

“Because I can’t stop thinking about you,” Clarke said. “Every part of my brain is screaming to me telling me this is not real, you are not real, all of this is just a fucked up version of dreams I made for myself. But then every part of my being is telling me that you are real and that you are here and that this is insane but that it’s happening.”

Lexa was never the one to be reckless and act on impulses. But the way Clarke looked at her and the way her heart was beating and because it was a dream and dreams are for dreaming and doing not looking, she leaned and pressed her mouth on Clarke’s. She gave Clarke a moment to lean back, away from her, but when Clarke stayed still, waiting, Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s cheek and kissed her.

“Lexa…,” Clarke whispered against her lips.

“Don’t wake up now, please.”

Clarke smiled before kissing her again. She nibbled on Lexa’s lower lip and went over it with her tongue. “I wanna…,” Clarke lost track of her words when Lexa’s mouth went down to her neck. “God.”

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot,” Lexa whispered. “Daydreaming about it, hoping to see you in night dreams.”

“Night dreams?,” Clarke giggled.

Lexa kissed Clarke’s cheek, “And then when you’re finally here you start to talk about all this…” 

“I’m trying to find some kind of a reason to all of this,” she traced her fingers down Lexa’s neck. “My gut is telling me one thing and everyone else is… it’s crazy.”

“I’m real.”

“I know.”

_ Beep. Beep. Beep. _

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Clarke was awake, alone, in her bed. She turned off the alarm and got out of the bed. She picked up her phone and called Raven. “Are you up?”

“I think I should be asking you that,” Raven said. “Is something wrong?”

“Everything’s fine. Do you wanna grab a coffee?”

“I am yes, we could go to that coffee shop I told you about.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.”

“I’ll text you the address.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Clarke put on a shirt and jeans, took her phone and wallet and went out. The address Raven texted her was just a couple of minutes away from her apartment. She couldn’t afford to think about Lexa’s hands on her own, Lexa’s hand on her neck, Lexa’s mouth. It was too much.

She pushed open the door of the coffee shop and entered. Raven was already there and she was the only person there. She was sitting at one of the tables and had two cups in front of her.

“Hi,” Clarke said when she sat down.

“You look like shit,” Raven pushed one of the cups towards her.

“Thank you, I feel like it too.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” Clarke picked up the cup and took a sip of her coffee. 

“What the fuck is that?,” she heard Raven ask.

“What is what?,” Clarke frowned.

“That thing on your neck, what the fuck Clarke, I thought you were at home last night?”

“I was, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That,” Raven pointed at her neck, “looks fresh, so unless you gave it to yourself… what the fuck?”

Clarke took out her phone and turned on the front camera, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said before she looked at her neck. “Oh… fuck.” 

“Where the fuck did that come from?”

Lexa made sure to show Clarke that she was real. It was a hickey.

“I don’t know,” Clarke lied.

“The hell you don’t. Who gave you that and when?” 

Clarke couldn’t hide her smile. Lexa was real. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Clarke said.

“Try me.”

“My dream girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check this out http://ordinarklo.tumblr.com/post/175402732845/clarke-and-lexa-keep-seeing-each-other-in-a-place


	6. Chapter 6

It felt like having a cold bucket of water spilled all over her head. When Lexa opened her eyes that morning she would have given anything to sleep and dream that she was having. But she knew, unfortunately from experience, that something like that wasn’t really possible. 

It was when Clarke made her fly that Lexa first tried to go back to the dream that was cut too short. She couldn’t even fall asleep, let alone dream again and with Clarke there. 

In all the time that it all had been happening, Lexa learned that Clarke was there when Lexa least expected it. 

When she was so tired the night before that she couldn't even wish for a dream with Clarke there. 

When she only hoped not to have the same nightmare over and over again. 

When Clarke was as far from her mind as she could be. 

That’s when Clarke was there. When Lexa didn’t even know how much she needed her.

Lexa was still in bed thinking about Clarke, when her phone rang. “Did I wake you up?,” Anya said.

Lexa yawned, “No, I was awake.”

“You don’t sound awake.”

“You sound out of breath.”

“I was in the gym. What’s your excuse?”

“I wanna sleep more.”

“Who’s stopping you?”

“I won’t get what I want so it’s easier not to.”

“You’re making no sense right now so I’m guessing you haven’t had coffee yet.”

“That must be it,” Lexa sat up on the bed. “Wanna have some with me?”

“I can’t, but I can do lunch,” Anya said. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“We can do that.”

“Good. Now get out of bed and get that coffee.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll text you later.” As soon as Lexa ended the call with Anya, her phone rang again. “Hi mom,” she got out of the bed and opened the window in her bedroom.

“Hi honey, did I wake you up?”

“No, I just got off the phone with Anya.”

“She’s next on my call list,” Lexa’s mother said. “Everything okay over there?”

“Yes,” Lexa wondered if Clarke was looking at the same sky as she was.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hmm?,” if the same Sun was shining down on her.

“What’s wrong Lexa?”

“Nothing,” Lexa shook her head as if that was going to shake Clarke off of her mind. “Everything’s fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

“How do I sound?,” she walked away from the window and laid back on the bed.

“Like something’s on your mind.”

“What do you do when impossible keeps happening?”

“What do you mean by impossible?”

“It doesn’t matter what, something that you know can’t possibly be happening,” Lexa said. “What to do when it happens?”

“If it happens then it’s not impossible.”

“Yeah but when there’s no logical explanation, no reason behind it.”

“I can name more than one thing that happened and that has no reason behind it and no logical or any explanation at all,” her mom said. “What’s going on honey?”

“You’ll think I’m crazy.”

“I won’t.”

“You will, trust me.”

Her mom sighed. “Remember when you were five years old and claimed to be a ruler of a kingdom?”

“It wasn’t a kingdom,” Lexa chuckled.

“Whatever it was, if that didn’t make me think you’re crazy then I think you’re fine,” she said. “Besides, no matter what you say I won’t think you’re crazy because you’ll always be my little kingdom ruler.”

“It was a commander and please stop,” Lexa laughed.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I keep dreaming about someone and it feels like it’s real and not a dream at all, but then I wake up and I realize it was a dream.”

“Someone? Is it…”

“It’s not her,” Lexa said before her mother could say the name. “It’s someone I’ve never met.”

“It’s just dreams,” her mom said. “When you were a kid you used to have such wild ones, the way you talked about them, if I didn’t know I’d have thought it was something that really happened to you.”

“This doesn’t feel like dreaming.”

“But you wake up and it stops?”

“Yes, but that’s not the point,” Lexa sighed. “When she touches me, it’s like…. It’s like she’s here and I can feel her fingers on my skin and when she smiles it feels like my heart skips a beat and I’ve never felt something like this and every time is different and stronger and…”

“Sometimes dreams feel more real than the reality.”

“I’m not crazy,” Lexa said.

“I’m not saying you are. It’s just...”

“Impossible but it keeps happening.”

* * *

“Your what now?.” Clarke knew Raven was not going to believe her. But this time Clarke was not going to deny her. Dream girl.  

“Remember that girl I told you about and those dreams I’ve been having?”

“You’ve gotta be joking, right?”

“Last night she kissed me and…,” Clarke brought her fingers up to her neck and rubbed the spot where Lexa kissed her. Raven on the other hand looked more confused with every second that passed. “You think I’m crazy,” Clarke sighed.

Raven opened her mouth, then closed it. She smiled. “I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you are… confused.”

“I’m not making it all up Raven and I’m not confused,” Clarke said. “It’s strange and weird and probably fucked up but it’s real and I’m not making it up. Why is it so hard to believe me?”

“What would you say if I came to you one day and told you that I was having dreams that are real but also kinda not and that I’m in love with a woman I’ve never met but I’m dreaming her so she must be real?”

“That’s not what I’m.... forget it,” Clarke said.

“I’m not trying to undermine you or your feelings but it’s kinda dangerous and not really healthy to think that dreams are real and that things happening there are really happening,” Raven said. “They are called dreams for a reason. You’re probably just…”

“What? Projecting what I want and making it all up?,” Clarke stared at her.

“Your words,” Raven smiled apologetically.

“I think we should go,” Clarke crossed her arms.

“Clarke, c’mon,” Raven said.

“I’m leaving, you can come with me or you can stay here. Your choice.” 

“Can you at least wait a minute? I have to go to the bathroom?” 

“I can.”

“Don’t be mad, please,” Raven said. “I didn’t mean anything bad.”

“Okay, Raven, just go to the bathroom,” Clarke was hurt. She didn’t expect Raven to believe her, but she expected for her to at least listen to what Clarke had to say, not to proclaim her crazy and move on like nothing had happened. 

Clarke looked around the shop to try and distract herself from Raven and Lexa. But she noticed a familiar figure, one she had never seen before. Her heart dropped when the woman turned around. Clarke saw, for a brief moment, that smile that made her nights better, before the woman’s face turned white. Clarke stopped breathing when green met blue. It felt familiar and different all at the same time. Her heart went from not beating to beating too hard and too fast. “Lexa,” a sound only Clarke could hear. “You... that’s…,” in all her panicking Clarke didn’t even notice that Lexa walked all the way to her table and was standing in front of her. “Are we still sleeping?,” Clarke’s eyes searched Lexa’s for an answer but all she got was a smile. 

“I don’t… I don’t think we are,” Lexa smiled nervously. “Can I sit down? My legs are kinda shaking,” she pointed at the chair next to Clarke’s and sat Clarke nodded in approval. 

“How is this happening?,” Clarke almost couldn’t recognize her own voice.

“Glitch in the Matrix?” What Clarke couldn’t see in Lexa’s eyes, she could hear in her voice.

“Are we sure we’re awake?”

“Can you remember waking up?”

“I can. Can you?” 

“Yes, I remember waking up and walking here,” Lexa said. “And being mad that my dream ended so abruptly,” she looked down at Clarke’s neck.

Clarke blushed. “Is that really the thing you wanna talk about?”

“I’m kinda freaking out here, are you?,” Lexa said.

“Well what do you think?,” Clarke tried to play it cool, but she knew her voice was giving it away.

“I’m also kinda afraid I’m gonna wake up.” 

“Oookay, what have I missed,” Raven sat down at her seat and looked first at Clarke then at Lexa, “Hi tattoos, good to see you, what are you doing here? Do you two know each other?” 

“She’s… that’s…,” Clarke tried but didn’t succeed to find the right or any words.

“Are you okay?,” Raven looked at her confused.

“I’m…that’s… that’s Lexa,” Clarke said. 

“Hi Raven, now you know my name,” Lexa smiled. 

“Can someone tell me what’s going on and why you two look like you’ve just seen a ghost?”

“Raven am I sleeping?,” Clarke asked.

“I don’t know about you but I’m not and I would appreciate if someone told me what’s going on.”

“Is she the blonde with…,” Lexa stopped herself before finishing the sentence. She smiled.

“Am I the blonde?”

“Raven asked me if I wanted to meet her blonde friend.”

“You two know each other? Is she the one you’ve been talking about?,” she looked at Raven.

“How do you two know each other?” Raven completely ignored her question.

“She’s the one I’ve been dreaming about,” Clarke was feeling as she had just ran a marathon, out of breath and dizzy and ready to run another one.

“Is this a prank? Are you fucking with me right now?,” Raven looked around, “Because that’s the only way this would make sense.”

“Sometimes things don’t have to make sense,” Lexa said. 

“Are you two out of your fucking minds? Do you even hear what you’re saying?”

“Raven, I can’t deal with this and you all at the same time, can you please just trust me?,” Clarke pleaded.

“Trust you that this,” she pointed at Lexa, “is the girl you’ve been supposedly sharing dreams with? Sure, totally believable.” 

“I saw a photo of Clarke and two other girls  when they were much younger. I think it was Halloween because Clarke was holding a pink wig in her hand and one of the girls was wearing an astronaut suit,” Lexa smiled thinking back about Clarke’s old house and room. 

“Clarke, what is she talking about?”

“One of the dreams was in my old room,” Clarke never stopped looking at Lexa.

“I can describe it for you if you want,” Lexa said.

“You can’t expect me to believe…”

“You think it’s easy for me?,” for the first time since Lexa sat down Clarke averted her eyes from her. “For us? To have something that you can’t explain or believe happen to you and then you have no one to talk about it with because everyone makes sure to tell you how incredibly crazy you are for thinking something like that,” Clarke said. “I didn’t do this to myself Raven,” Clarke rubbed her neck, “I’m not that crazy,” she added.

“I can tell you things about Clarke that I shouldn’t know, couldn’t possibly know,” Lexa said. “You can think it’s a prank or something, I can’t, we can’t persuade you into thinking what we’re saying is true. You can believe or not believe,” Lexa bit her lip. She turned to Clarke. “But I wanna…,” she stretched her hand towards Clarke’s but pulled it back before she reached her. “Talk. Can we talk?,” Lexa asked. “Alone,” she added and Clarke nodded. 

“Raven,” she turned to her friend and put her hand over Raven’s, “I love you and you mean the world to me and I really hope you’ll find a way to believe me because I could really use help trying to understand all this and that you won’t think… something, but…I’ll call you later,” Clarke got up.

“You’re leaving?,” Raven frowned when Lexa got up after Clarke.

“I’ll call you.” 

“Where are you going?” 

“Somewhere.” 

* * *

It felt like flying. Over the moon and far away.

“Please don’t die this time.” It had been a couple of minutes since they left the coffee shop and were walking down the street, side by side, close but not close enough. 

Lexa laughed when she looked at Clarke, “Interesting choice of words,” she said. 

It was the first thing Clarke had said since they left the coffee shop. “Had to make sure,” Clarke smiled shyly.

“Where are we going?” 

“To my place.”

“Okay, but do I have to cancel my plans?,” Lexa chuckled and when Clarke looked at her confused she added “I had plans, still have, I didn’t think I’d run into you:”

“Oh, right,” Clarke stopped and rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry, I forgot where we are.”

“Relax Clarke, or try to,” Lexa again reached to touch Clarke’s hand but stopped and moved it back. “I will cancel it, I just asked because we’ve been just walking.”

“This is so weird,” Clarke said. “I don’t even know why we’re going to my apartment.”

“Okay,” Lexa smiled. She took her phone out of her pocket and typed a short message to Anya to cancel their lunch. “I’m all free now,” she put the phone back in her pocket and turned to Clarke.”Can I suggest something else instead? And we can leave that for some other time,” she said.

“Yes.” Lexa could see just how freaked out Clarke was.

“Remember when I fell off of that building?”

“Please don’t remind me,” Clarke chuckled.

“It’s just a couple of minutes away and there’s a tiny hidden park around the corner. Wanna go there?”

“Yes,” Clarke nodded.

Lexa was still flying and she hoped she’d fly for a long time to come. But she didn’t talk to or with Clarke, she didn’t want to pressure her into something that looked like it made her a lot more uncomfortable than Lexa was. She was more than happy to just be.

“I usually talk a lot more;” Clarke said when they were close to the park.

“I know,” she turned her head to Clarke and saw her blushing. “There’s nothing wrong with talking and also not talking.”

“I don’t want you to think that I…”

“Don’t worry Clarke,” Lexa stopped her. “All that that you are feeling right now and thinking, I’m feeling and thinking the same things.”

“Are you sure about that?,” Clarke chuckled. “You look fine to me,” she said.

“Someone has to,” Lexa said. “I’m kidding,” she added, she didn’t want to make Clarke feel bad about anything that was or wasn’t happening. “I’ve made an art of looking cool and composed when in fact I’m freaking the fuck out.”

Clarke giggled, “I could use some of that right now.”

“You’re good,” Lexa said, “trust me.”

“The thing that’s making all this…,” Clarke was struggling with her words, “I wanna hug you but my brain is telling me that I have to be freaked out by all this and that it’s gonna turn out that you are not here and that I’m gonna go crazy and have my heart broken and…” Lexa could think of only one way to stop Clarke from spiraling deeper into doubt that was starting to come up to the surface. She cupped Clarke’s face with her hands and kissed her. 

Lexa was flying.

“I’m right here,” she whispered when Clarke pulled back. “You are not crazy and your heart will be okay.”

Clarke closed her eyes and leaned her forehead on Lexa’s. “You’re here.”

“I am,” Lexa said.

“I’ve dreamed about this.”

“Without me?,” Lexa gasped, “I feel like I’ve just been cheated on.”

“You are… something else,” Clarke shook her head.

“I’ve dreamed about you too,”  Lexa ran her thumb over Clarke’s cheek.

“You have?”

“So many times.”

Clarke leaned forward and kissed her. Lexa smiled and dropped her hands to Clarke’s hips. “How can this feel the same as that,” Clarke asked between kisses she placed on Lexa’s lips.

“I had a theory,” Lexa said.

“Really?,” Clarke pulled back. “What is it?”

“I thought you were trapped in some alien spaceship with alien tech that made you be able to do all that.”

“Aliens?,” Clarke lifted her brow.

“You have something better?,” Lexa grinned.

“I do,” Clarke smirked. “Maybe I’ll tell you next time I see you there.”

“Why not now?,” Lexa frowned.

“Dreams you is much nicer,” Clarke smiled.

“How dare you?”

Clarke bit her lip and put her hands around Lexa’s neck, “Kiss me again,” she whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any and all mistakes.
> 
> Find me on ordinarklo.tumblr.com


End file.
